Guitar Rape III

DISCLAIMER: This post was NOT written by Dave or Camden it was written by Dave's Stepbrother and therefor the views expressed in this post are not necessarily the views of Dave or Camden.



Guitar Rape III
By Steven Fusco

I love Guitar Hero. I have played every Harmonix game and beat them all on the hardest difficulties. I have finished Guitar Hero II on Expert, not once but TWICE; first Playstation 2 and then again on Xbox 360. I just picked up Neversoft’s Guitar Hero III the other day and within 24 hours finished it on Hard, now I’m working through Expert which will take some time just like it always has. I am not bragging about this. I’m fucking ashamed of it, and you should be too. Every revision that is released I bend over and let Red Octane fill my ass with that colorful five button plastic phallus. Let’s take a moment to have a look at Exhibit A: the GH3 Tracklist. I’m getting sick of this crap.

It all started with you buying a game and bringing it home and after playing for a while you unlocked special levels or hidden characters while playing it solo. When your friends came over you had an interesting conversation piece or maybe some tips to share. It was a badge of honor proving how much you really loved the game. This mutated into entire levels and sections being locked and quartered off as if they were zombies in quarantine. The next thing was game developers locking the entire game so that if you and friend wanted to play it launch day, you had to first beat the game. One of you had to sit there watching the other play just to unlock things so that you could actually play together. If you didn’t, you only had two cars or three fighters to choose from. Maybe if you were lucky: two racetracks or stages.

Fast-forward to 2007: year of the air guitar. Due to profitable science projects on our wallets we now have Guitar Hero coming out of every orifice in every manifestation. The companion disc? The downloadable content? Extra “bonus material”? You just paid $100 for 4 songs, and unless you work harder or pay more money, you’ll never have any more than that. This has gotten completely out of hand. Guitar Hero III has turned into smut. It’s like a sleazy strip club sucking dollar after dollar out of you, and you are too drunk on the product to care.

This is a call to everyone, myself included. Wake the fuck up! Bitch about this now before it gets worse! Stop lying to yourselves and see this for what it is: robbery. This is no different than someone stealing your wallet while walking down the street because you were too oblivious. We must protect ourselves and each other. We are all still going to buy Rock Band. We need professional help.

(thanks for the post Steve, and if any other readers have any thing they would like to say on the blog feel free to email it to editor@davesgameblog.com and if it's good me or Camden will post it up)